Saturday, February 11, 2023

Halotherapy

The local alternative newspaper, The Hippo, has a nice repeating feature On The Job, interviewing "real people in real jobs (that you have seldom heard of)." This sort of feature is the norm now, I think, along with pieces and ads about arts festivals or various wellness practices; movie, book, and music reviews; and local seasonal specialties.  My wife loves this thing and reads every page. I think she just no longer notices the full-page ad for the gentleman's club in the next town, or the (trans-friendly!*) dentists in the area. 

As opposed to previous alternative newspapers that would have ads for escort services, meetings of obscure socialist groups, and articles about how various locals were being railroaded in court hearings, double points for disadvantaged groups, and frankly, in NH blacks were so rare that you got 10x points for that. Think Village Voice, Boston Phoenix c. 1975, but smaller towns and angrier people.

This week, hot off the presses**, is a "Halotherapy provider and Wellness Entrepreneur." Take a guess at halotherapy.  I have hints coming. 

It's not about halos and angels or saints.

The Greek "hals" is the Latin "sal."

Salt therapy.

"I'm the owner of the [name redacted] which is a wellness sanctuary featuring an authentic, traditional style Himalayan salt cave***, which is used for halotherapy, also known as dry salt therapy****. Halotherapy is the process of grinding up pharmaceutical-grade salt***** with a machine called a halogenerator. (You thought I was going for a snarky six-asterisk remark, didn't you? Nope.) The micronized particles of salt are then blown into the cave in a fine dust. (Thank God it's not a coarse dust.) When breathed in, these particles of salt can be therapeutic to your respiratory system, sinus, and skin. The business also has a small shop..."

*I mean...really...how does that matter about your teeth?

** Why presses and not press? I am not finding an immediate satisfactory answer and may pursue this. 

***Because of course it does

****There's a wet salt therapy?  Or a damp salt therapy?

*****Someone deserves a raise for coming up with that

5 comments:

JMSmith said...

Wet salt therapy would be ocean bathing. Before people did it for fun, they did it as a therapy. These folks will have to grind their salt very fine so their patrons can inhale it through their masks.

Assistant Village Idiot said...

Ah yes. And mineral baths of other sorts would be in the same category.

Ross Gallup said...

I've never been in an old newspaper printing plant, but I always assumed there were often more than one press. Perhaps "hot off the presses" simply refers to those plural machines?

Assistant Village Idiot said...

@ Ross, I think that's about it. "Stop the presses" became a famous saying for much the same reason.

james said...

Breathing any kind of dust, even soluble stuff like salt, doesn't sound like it would be great for me. Your mileage may vary