I received permission from the doctor to be upright again, but on the ride home kept thinking "I really must put my head down again soon." It felt as if I were sinning against the doctor's advice, and even against my own body to sit up straight with no plan to immediately go Face Down In a Cake (#FDIAC) again.
Purely by reason, not by feeling, I elected to go for a walk, even though it is raining and the sky is gray, because soon it will be dark, and seeing out of only one eye is bad enough without adding darkness in. I was haunted the entire time by the feeling that I had done something wrong and must make up for it somehow.
The mood will pass as quickly, I have little doubt. Joy may come in the morning. But for today I am like the dog who skulks away, worried about punishment for hours after some infraction, though he has long since forgotten what it was.