Sunday, July 29, 2007


I have had two occasions in the past month to read or hear men say that they were looking for a woman to pamper. It has always seemed a little regressive to me, but, I thought, there are lots of different types of folks in the world.

In both these cases the men turned out to be abusive. Because they occurred back-to-back, the word "pampered" stuck out. At first I thought their use of that particular word to women was false-coloring, or wish-fulfillment on the part of the men. I now think it has a deeper meaning in code. In both recent cases, the woman had trouble leaving because she had few resources. She was dependent on the male in a very immediate way. People who can plan ahead are often amazed (and distressed) at those who habitually take the short-term fix at the expense of their long-term good. A good advance planner finding herself in a bad situation with few resources would figure out a more complete solution. If it meant staying in another bad situation temporarily, in a shelter or with an unliked relative, that would simply be a cost to pay on the way to the next step.

"Pampered" means "controlled." At some deep level, many of these women know that.

No comments: