Tuesday, June 13, 2006

bin Laden Upbeat After Loss of Entire Varsity

The University of Al Qaeda terrorism team continues to be optimistic even after their entire varsity squad was arrested or otherwise Declared Ineligible. “We are not concerned about the upcoming terrorism season,” said Osama bin Laden “because we have an excellent feeder system. Even the American left-wing knows that we have excellent recruitment, and ten players in the minor leagues for every one in the majors.”

OBL pointed to local youngsters playing military games in the street. “Our children play this game as soon as they can walk. Sunni-Shia, Arab-Zionist, Kidnapper-Hostage, Moor-Spaniard, they know them all. Meanwhile your American children are playing video games. It gives us a big advantage.” When asked how many of the younger players were ready for the big leagues, he hesitated. “Well, this will give some our young talent a chance to play, y’know? It’s a good thing. The team we had until a week, two weeks ago, had some good players but were never going to win the championship.”

Pressed for details of the new "youth movement" in jihad, bin Laden admitted "the average age of a jihadi is younger every year. We don't have as many 35 y/o recruits as we used to." Asked to estimate the age of the new crop of recruits, OBL declined to comment. Sources close to the team, however, estimate that the average age of a recruit has dropped from 15 to 12, and for a full mujahedeen, from 29 to 19.

"It's a rebuilding year for us." Osama insisted. "Like last year. And the year before."

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