On nearly-successive days, I read a complaint about churches because the people there expected everyone to be perfect/conformist/respectable followed by a verbal comment that there were too many weird people at most churches, by which I think the speaker meant socially-clumsy, overbearing, or unfashionable somehow.
Though this is a contradiction, there is truth in both complaints, and I don't know the solution. I could lump them both under the category of "they're not cool," or "not up-to-date," but that's only part of it. We are too tolerant and not tolerant enough; our expectations are too high and too low. There is a balance that we miss, objecting to the wrong things, reinforcing the wrong things.
I suppose the simplest answer is that we all come from those categories, believing we should be perfect but being too weird to get that quite right.