Cedric, Wise Man in a Cave

Cedric was a recent addition to the local discussions.  He had moved in up in the hills about ten years ago, but he kept to himself, and only slowly did the stereotype embed itself in the village consciousness. But the combination of old man, lives as a hermit, in a cave, and rumors filtering down that he had traveled far, and said interesting things eventually won out, and everyone assumed he must be very wise. The age claimed for him seemed to increase at three times the actual number of years.

The temptation was too great.  I grabbed a staff and put on a hat and started up to where his cave was believed to be. I actually seldom wear a hat and never walk with a staff, but they seemed to fit the adventure of talking to a wise old man. His name was supposedly Cedric, or sometimes Chedric.

"They tell me you are a wise man, sir."

"The evidence would suggest that I am the biggest fool in the known lands."

"How is that?"

"I keep opening my big yap and say something that upsets everyone, and conclude pretty quickly that I had better move on."

"How many times have you had to move?"

He appeared to count them in his head. "Sixteen. Seventeen. I'm getting better.  When I started out I had to move just about every year."

"How did it start?"

"When I was a boy there was a big parade and everyone stood waving by the side of the road, when this naked guy was carried up in a big chair carried by eight men. I pointed out that he wasn't wearing anything, because frankly, it seemed strange."

"I've heard a story like this."

"Have you? Well, they probably said that everyone rejoiced and congratulated me for being such a smart little boy, and the emperor was embarrassed and ran back to the palace and hid, and didn't interfere with people much after that.  Am I right?"

"Yes, he became humble, and a good ruler. That's not what happened?"

"Not even close. They threw me in a dungeon and only after a while decided they couldn't kill me because I was just a boy and they'd look foolish. So they let me out one night, gave me a few sandwiches, and told me to get out of town.  I didn't need to be told twice."

I frowned and considered this. "That's not an encouraging story."

"No, it isn't.  I went to the next country and noticed they had lots of naked people walking around, not just the king. I tried not to notice, but eventually someone would say some ridiculous thing like 'I'll be giving a speech about tax reform in the town square tomorrow afternoon' and I'd say 'That's a terrible idea.  You're naked and you'll make a fool of yourself.' It happened everywhere. I decided I could put up with naked sheriffs and naked bishops, but I just couldn't keep it in for mayors and archbishops."

"Has there been any place where they just accepted the news and changed their ways?"

"They try, they try. But word gets around that I'm a divisive person."

"That sounds ridiculous."

"Yeah, you'd think that walking around naked would be divisive, but apparently not. Also, there was one country where almost everyone was naked, and it was actually easy not to mention it."

"Yet you left?"

"Chased out.  Worst yet.  I made the mistake of mentioning that someone was clothed, and it turns out he was not a popular person."

"Have you been down to our village?"

"Only twice.  I try and get someone to go for me."

"Did you see any naked people in our village?"

"I'm not saying." 

"Am I naked?"

"No you're wearing a hat."

I ground my teeth a little and was thinking maybe it was time for Cedric to move on when he laughed. "No, you've got a full set of clothes. I also have a problem of always playing for the laugh."

I laughed nervously.

"You know that old saying In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king? Well it's not true. He's found stabbed in the back, halfway up the mountain."

"So which is wiser, to say the truth or not say it?"

"I haven't got a clue, really."