I have discussed the dangers of eroding supports, isolation, and loneliness as we age a few times over the last two years. Following the links for Gossip II, I saw reference to another book by Robin Dunbar, about friends. It mentions that having a non-depressed friend makes you less likely to be depressed yourself, but a depressed friend is six times more like to make you unhappy than a happy friend is to make you happy.
That would look like an encouragement to avoid depressed people, wouldn't it?
So sure, cut your depressed friends ruthlessly from your life then. That's the sort of living your best life we want to promote around here. I wonder how many people just quietly do that, not from any malice, but like an amoeba avoiding an unpleasant stimulus.
And of course, when I see such things I wonder about two verses of Scripture. Matthew 26:22 - "Lord, Is it I?" and Galatians 6:2 - Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.
In my experience, a depressed friend is not always a depressing friend. A depressed friend may not be a barrel of fun, but he does not in every case labor to spread his nihilistic gloom. Sometimes a depressed friend is sardonically funny. But with all that said, depressing friends most certainly exist. I suspect that the essence of a depressing friend is that he really isn't a friend but only pretends to be a friend to exploit the emotions of his "friends." I call such people vampires because they take and give nothing (except possibly rabies) in return. My wife, who is naturally cheerful, has had vampire problems, and this is why I came up with that name.
ReplyDeleteOur obligation to Christian charity is real, but I don't think it is or really could be infinite. Some of us have more sympathy than others, but in most cases our stock of sympathy is small. We should spend it wisely.