Rudeness

I have a longtime state rep in my pub night.  (It's one of the advantages of having 400 of them over a state of 1.4 million people is that it's an accessible number and just about anyone can get to know a few with only a little effort.) He is in his late 70s and among the more conservative Republicans, but notes that this year people are angrier than he has ever seen them - "both sides," he says, and we were off and running talking about it.  I had also just had this conversation with a friend who works the polls, and the topic is very much in the air at present. 

I tend to be suspicious that such things are not really so, that it is only old people grousing about "kids today who can't even shoe a horse," falsely imaging what the Good Olde Dayes were like, but I am convinced that this one has something to it. We live in a 55+ community, and let me assure you the shocking rudeness is not just kids today. "Well, maybe, but old people have always gotten crotchety when they get lonely and their knees act up haven't they? Maybe it's nothing new." Well, maybe.  I've never been old before so I may not have a clear perspective. But the people my age who have blocked me on Facebook, back when I was on it would never have just turned and walked away from a conversation in real life. A person blocked me texting, which I had only vaguely knew was possible, who would never have been rude in any way in a conversation. 

She would never have behaved that way at work, or with a visitor to her home, or she at theirs, except in the event of danger or extreme insult. So I would be tempted to call this situational, that she always would have done this if she could but was held accountable, but she has gotten used to being anonymous.  I am guessing that people who have always considered themselves polite also reframe this as exiting a conversation quietly, or politely ignoring someone's faux pas. You can do that more easily when there is no one to tell you it's actually a slap in the face.

I mentioned learning about blocking texts to Kyle, Son #5, who nodded with little surprise.  It is apparently common these days, to not bother to go through all the hassle of saying "Yes, I did have a nice time, but I just don't think we're a good fit," or "My old girlfriend called back after all," or other things that are uncomfortable to hear and to say, but keep up some of the niceties, and saving of face. It's easier to pretend it's not being rude, and if customs like this go on long enough, I suppose they won't be considered rude. Except our wiring for conversation goes back thousands of years.  It never did become acceptable to not return a phone call unless some prior announcement had been made that calls would not be returned.

But that doesn't include those of us who grew up in a different world, does it? Even neglecting to say thank you was noticed by others, and writing a little note of gratitude was considered automatic in some circles (and those aspiring to those circles). 

An interesting phenomenon has arisen, that on the political side you can hear people saying "Well the voters are angry," as if this shows how righteous their anger is.  It's a displacement. Or is it in fact justified?  People got very angry before revolutions and in the early elections after them. All sides. I have heard it described that the difference between the Glorious Revolution of 1688 and the American Revolution versus the French and Bolshevik Revolutions was that the former were not only against something but toward something else while in the latter they were merely against something. 1688 and 1776 had a place to land, 1789 and 1917 made those up after. Oversimplified, but largely true, I think.

Do our devices create this behavior, or merely reveal what we always were?