I had lunch with three guys from my St. Paul's summer in 1970 today. A fourth was missing. He had said "I'm sorry I have to cancel, but it's my wife's 100th birthday, and these things are important to her." Two of the men started to say "Well, maybe she likes to celebrate her birthday often - I mean, my wife does..." but Gary laughed "No. This is absolutely a dig, and I hope he doesn't say these things in front of her. How does he get away with this? Would you say something like that?"
"Do I look suicidal?"
"I had a friend at my old church who used to say '...and this is my first wife, Betsy,' which seemed ill-advised to me.*"
"Phil has survived seven cancer diagnoses, so maybe he doesn't sweat the small stuff now."
"That could be."
The point being that even if things are flat true, or meant to be funny, or to capture a general truth arguendo or whatever, they still might be spectacularly stupid to say out loud. Vance, if you expect us to follow you into battle, could you give us more evidence that you thought this one through? DC journalists are not going to ask you for evidence or numbers or research - they have little idea what those things are. But folks around here are, and I say "So how are you going to measure this? How many cats is the cutoff? What about one child long grown and five cats now? What if she wanted children? What about dog moms? What about men with cats? JD, how the hell are you going to back this up with any evidence that will hold up for five minutes? Thanks a bunch."
There are ways and places one can bring out the information as well. A comedian could say "Remember when you used to stay with your grandmother and she would bring you over to see her friends? The ones who didn't have any children of their own but had cats all over and they would make cooing noises over you and then ignore you, so they could sit down and she could complain about everything that was wrong in her life?" (A real comedian would be much funnier, yes.) Presenting it that way allows people to take an "if the shoe fits" approach, and even some childless cat ladies might smirk and think "Actually, I do have a couple of friends like that." The generalisation doesn't include everyone, nor was it intended to. You could technically say that Vance's comment wasn't intended to include everyone either, but it's too far over the line to give more than grudging acknowledgement of that.
Oddly, I believe there is something in there, and I was talking about a related subject with my brother yesterday. What with one thing and another, information has filtered back to me over the last year about older lesbians from two groups: women I used to work with (and I often knew both of them) and couples who are friends or siblings of the um, childless cat ladies that I know. I offered the opinion that they might be sadder than straight women I know of similar age, especially when widowed.
He disagreed, which I knew he would regardless of the data, because he is honor bound to make sure that any DEI group is just as happy, honest, or smart as the boring whitebread mainstream conservative culture. But I am so used to this that I can still get useful info by listening to what arguments he appeals to. And he did actually give some qualified agreement, relating it to the support of their general communities. He lives in western mass and worked in theater, so he knows way more lesbian couples than I do. And he is in a place more supportive of such than nearly anywhere in the country. So he wasn't seeing them as any worse off than other older people. That could very well be so. Community might matter.
It is very hard to tell what is up from FB. Older women are traveling together, or eating at restaurants and everyone looks cheery, but then in their other posts you see that they are Great Deplorers of others. What's the reality? Well, we likely won't ever know. I walk miles in my 55+ community and have chitchat with people on their porches, or in their yards, or also walking. Attitudes leak out. Or you hear about childless cat ladies from other friends who don't see them much anymore because they have become difficult, or reclusive. Or you meet with two CCL's in a group of retired social workers for lunch and they do tell you how hard their lives are, and how upsetting so many things in the world are, and how they really do prefer cats to people.
Men and women complain differently. While some men are boisterous and want everyone present to know what they think about Trump or Biden, most drop their voices a bit to complain.
And of course I always knew the grim underside from mental health, of people deeply unhappy and largely unnoticed, with her sister coming in to try and talk sense into her for the thousandth time; and from my wife's extensive prayer list, which always includes someone having great difficulty with their elderly mother. There's a lot of loneliness out there. And it may be my prejudices overruling the real data, but I think it really is worse for childless cat ladies.
One more thing. Vance also criticised them for not caring about the future of the country. But some of the ones I'm talking about were teachers, or social workers, or other professions oriented to the future of others. Maybe it is true that they no longer care much about the future of the country except in abstract and symbolic senses, like making sure that Trump doesn't "take over," or something**. But I think they get some credit for what came before, even if they are deplorers of things now.
*Steve McAuliffe used to say that about his wife Christa. Then she blew up in the sky in the Challenger disaster. Which is why husbands shouldn't say things like that.
**It can go the other way. I know at least two childless cat ladies who are big Trump fans. But usually...