Monday, October 08, 2007

Brief Update

Visiting two of the sons in Houston, and not reading any news unless it is related to a New England sports team.

I will note that no one in Houston seems to be aware that cars come equipped with turn signals, and all are unaware what to do at a four-way stop. My theory is that they've gotten it into their heads that they are supposed to stop at the sign and wait for someone else to go before proceeding.

Also, Shiner beer ain't much. I'll give Lone Star a try while I'm here.

4 comments:

Uncle Fester said...

Welcome to Houston! I don't know if your son has provided you with the rules of the road so here they are:

The 20 Cardinal Rules Of Driving In Houston

1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting construction barrels. (Bonus points are awarded for getting out of your car and moving the barrels.)

2. Turn signals provide clues as to your next move in the road battle so never use them.

3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you no matter how fast you're going. If you do, the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the less your chance of getting hit.

5. The car with the most extensive body work automatically has the right of way. (Remember no-fault insurance. He might not have as much to lose as you do.)

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that your anti-lock braking system kicks in to give you a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.

7. Construction signs are carefully positioned to tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the last opportunity to exit, but just before the traffic begins to back up.

8. The electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information, but just to tell time and make Houston look progressive.

9. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway. Passing on the shoulder is encouraged; that's why they're paved.

10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures to make Texas look as if it conforms with other state policies; these are intended only as suggestions and are actually unenforceable.

11. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

12. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic.

13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even a person changing a tire. If you're lucky, you may see the unlucky breakdown victim get mugged.

14. Learn to swerve abruptly. Houston is the home of the very high-speed slalom driving thanks to Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT), who put potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes. Parts of truck tires are left on new highways where potholes haven't yet been established.

15. It is considered correct in Houston to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes. Our city is founded upon such traditions.

16. Seeking eye contact with another driver automatically revokes your right of way.

17. Giving the finger may invite armed retaliation. Be sure that your rifle is on the gun rack in the rear window and visible rather than lying on the seat.

18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana.

19. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else. This is how Houston residents notify TxDOT where exits should have been built.

20. Remember the left lane is the "safe" lane. Always strive to head for the left lane regardless of your speed, and by no means vacate your spot to allow others to pass.

You may have thought this was intended to be humorous, but it ain't funny any more. American drivers (not just Texans) have become the most undisciplined drivers in the entire world.

We should look around, and possibly take a lesson for the Germans and how they manage to drive 225 mph on the Autobahn. First of all, before you can drive in Germany, you must learn HOW to drive. Secondly, you ALWAYS drive in the right lane UNLESS you're going to pass. After you pass, you get your ass back into the right lane. You NEVER pass on the right ........NEVER. If you don't do these things, you are ticketed........period.

In the US we have continually built wider and wider highways, just to have 6 cars lined up door handle - to - door handle going 40 mph down the highway, and to hell with everybody else ......because each one is saying to themselves, "I'm safe!!!!"

I guess nothing will change in my lifetime, maybe after we've paved the entire world with concrete, someone will address the real problem.

Have a good day .......

Kelly said...

Here in Atlanta we have turn signals, but their use seems entirely unrelated to what a driver is or is not about to do. When you see one blinking you still have to wait until the car actually commits in order to proceed safely, so they basically function as noise or deliberate deception. You're better off without, frankly.

Dubbahdee said...

Jeepers Uncle Fester, a lot of these sound like Boston - maybe not so much the gun rack part - but a lot of it.

As for American drivers compared to German drivers...ummm yeah. But have you ever driven in Manila, Mexico City, Shanghai, or Nairobi? Not that I have, but I'm just wondering if the comparison holds.

Will said...

Try some Saint Arnold, craft brewed locally in Houston.