Monty Python Advises the Israelis

The Peace Process in the Middle East is reminiscent of not just one Monty Python routine, but several.

Carl Bildt former Prime Minister of Sweden, after the requisite nods to all the terrible things that Hamas, Hezbollah, etc have done, spends most of his essay on how Israel missed its one recent moment for negotiations – because it was too busy evacuating settlers from Gaza. This is like nothing so much as the moment in the Dead Parrot Sketch when the shopkeeper assures the irate customer that the parrot isn’t dead, he was just wakin’ up when he was stunned by the customer’s pounding him on the counter.

And from The Argument

Israel: A peace process isn’t just a set of meetings

PA: It can be

Israel: A peace process is a series of negotiations intended to establish a comity among nations at war

PA: No it isn’t

Israel: Yes it is! It’s not just meetings!

PA: Yes it is

Israel: No it isn’t. Negotiation is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.
(short pause)

PA: No it isn't.

Israel: It is.

PA: Not at all.


Or similarly reminiscent ofThe Cheese Shop.

Israel: I would like to purchase some peace.

Hamas: Excellent sir.

Israel: Cease fire?

Hamas: I’m afraid we’re fresh out sir.

Israel: Well never mind, how are you on leaving civilians alone?

Hamas: I’m afraid we never do any of that at the end of the week.

Israel: Tish tish. No matter. Well stout yeoman, the International Red Cross seeing the prisoners if you please

Hamas: Sorry Sir

Israel: It’s not my lucky day, is it?

Hamas: Normally sir, yes. Today the van broke down.