Mary Jane Murphy, on Substack, writing about talking to trans activists and friends still "inside the spell." It is good advice for any difficult discussion, but she makes it specific.
1. Refuse the vocabulary without attacking the person
Language is where the spell lives. Every loaded term you adopt is a conclusion you have silently conceded. “Assigned at birth” presupposes that sex is assigned rather than observed. “Cis” presupposes that everyone has a gender identity. “Trans women” presupposes the category exists as described.
You do not need to fight about every word. You need one calm, repeatable move. Mine is this: “That’s contested vocabulary, it embeds a conclusion I haven’t agreed to.”2. Ask questions you do not answer...
3. Pace before you lead...
4. Plant seeds and walk away...
5. Wait for the wobble...
It is hard work to change the mind of one who has accepted a belief. Not impossible, but difficult. A bit like deprogramming a cult member, where asking questions about internal contradictions can be an effective technique, but only over time. Generally thankless work.
ReplyDeleteIt takes a discipline I don't seem to have
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